她是硅谷版的“安迪”，十足的商界女強人，Facebook的二當家，執掌上千億美金市值的商業帝國。然而正在她事業蓬勃之際，她的丈夫卻早早撒手人寰，她又有著驚人的毅力克服悲痛。在丈夫去世一年后，Facebook首席運營官雪莉·桑德伯格學會了如何更有韌性。她在周末加州大學伯克利分校的畢業典禮上分享了自己的經歷，并有可能將其寫入自己的第二本書中。在演講過程中，她數度哽咽。馬克·扎克伯格在桑德伯格這篇演講的下面評論：“如此美麗而又激勵人心，謝謝你。”

Thank you, Marie. And thank you esteemed members of the faculty, proud parents, devoted friends, squirming siblings.

謝謝瑪麗。謝謝尊敬的老師們、自豪的父母、忠誠的朋友們，各位同仁。

Congratulations to all of you…and especially to the magnificent Berkeley graduating class of 2024!

祝賀所有人……尤其是伯克利2024級的畢業生們！

It is a privilege to be here at Berkeley, which has produced so many Nobel Prize winners, Turing Award winners, astronauts, members of Congress, Olympic gold medalists…. and that’s just the women!

在伯克利求學是一件幸事，這里出過眾多的諾貝爾獎得主、圖靈獎獲得者、宇航員、國會議員和奧運會金牌得主……而且都有女性！

Berkeley has always been ahead of the times. In the 1960s, you led the Free Speech Movement. Back in those days, people used to say that with all the long hair, how do we even tell the boys from the girls? We now know the answer: manbuns.

伯克利從來走在時代前列。上世紀60年代，你們的前輩們倡導了言論自由運動。當時還有人說，如果男女都留長發要怎么分辨呢？現在早就有答案了：男生可以梳發髻。

Early on, Berkeley opened its doors to the entire population. When this campus opened in 1873, the class included 167 men and 222 women. It took my alma mater another ninety years to award a single degree to a single woman.

其實在那之前伯克利就已兼容并包。伯克利1873年建校，第一屆學生中有167名男生，222名女生。我的母校（哈佛大學——譯者注）過了90年后才向女性頒發第一個學位。

One of the women who came here in search of opportunity was Rosalind Nuss. Roz grew up scrubbing floors in the Brooklyn boardinghouse where she lived. She was pulled out of high school by her parents to help support their family. One of her teachers insisted that her parents put her back into school—and in 1937, she sat where you are sitting today and received a Berkeley degree. Roz was my grandmother. She was a huge inspiration to me and I’m so grateful that Berkeley recognized her potential. I want to take a moment to offer a special congratulations to the many here today who are the first generation in their families to graduate from college. What a remarkable achievement.

曾經有一位女性來到這里求學，她的名字是羅莎琳德?努斯?羅姿。羅姿在紐約布魯克林一處公寓里長大，靠擦地為生。高中時，她的父母讓她輟學養家，幸好被一位老師及時勸服才能繼續上學。1937年，她從伯克利畢業了，就坐在你們現在的位置。故事里的羅姿是我的祖母。直到現在，她的經歷都是我強大的精神支柱。非常感謝伯克利當年慧眼識才。我還要特別恭喜成為家中第一代大學生的才俊，你們非常了不起！

Today is a day of celebration. A day to celebrate all the hard work that got you to this moment.

今天值得慶祝，你們付出了很多努力才走到今天。

Today is a day of thanks. A day to thank those who helped you get here—nurtured you, taught you, cheered you on, and dried your tears. Or at least the ones who didn’t draw on you with a Sharpie when you fell asleep at a party.

今天應該感謝。要感謝幫助你們一步步走到這里的人，感謝培養你，教導你，鼓勵你，為你擦過眼淚的人。至少也該感謝你在聚會上睡著后沒用記號筆在你臉上亂畫的小伙伴們。

Today is a day of reflection. Because today marks the end of one era of your life and the beginning of something new.

今天應該沉思。因為今天意味著你生命中一個時代結束，一個新時代開始。

A commencement address is meant to be a dance between youth and wisdom. You have the youth. Someone comes in to be the voice of wisdom—that’s supposed to be me. I stand up here and tell you all the things I have learned in life, you throw your cap in the air, you let your family take a million photos –don’t forget to post them on Instagram —and everyone goes home happy.

畢業典禮致詞仿佛一場青春和智慧之間的交鋒。臺下青春洋溢，演講臺上睿智深刻。今天我本應跟你們分享一些人生經驗。然后，你們把帽子扔到空中，和家人拍照留影，——不要忘了發布在Instagram上，最后大家都高高興興地回家。

Today will be a bit different. We will still do the caps and you still have to do the photos. But I am not here to tell you all the things I’ve learned in life. Today I will try to tell you what I learned in death.

但今天會有點不一樣。或許你們還是會扔帽子，還是會拍很多照片。但我今天不想傳授生活方面的經驗，而是想講講從親人離世后的領悟。

I have never spoken publicly about this before. It’s hard. But I will do my very best not to blow my nose on this beautiful Berkeley robe.

我以前從未公開談論過這件事，其實很難說出口。我會盡量控制住情緒免得哭出來，弄臟這件漂亮的伯克利長袍不太好。

One year and thirteen days ago, I lost my husband, Dave. His death was sudden and unexpected. We were at a friend’s fiftieth birthday party in Mexico. I took a nap. Dave went to work out. What followed was the unthinkable—walking into a gym to find him lying on the floor. Flying home to tell my children that their father was gone. Watching his casket being lowered into the ground.

一年零13天前，我的丈夫戴夫去世了，很突然也很意外。我們去墨西哥參加朋友的50歲生日聚會。我睡了個午覺，戴夫去鍛煉。接下來的事完全不可想象，我走進健身房看見他躺在地板上。后來我坐飛機回家將這個不幸的消息告訴了孩子們，最后親眼看著他的棺材下葬。

For many months afterward, and at many times since, I was swallowed up in the deep fog of grief—what I think of as the void—an emptiness that fills your heart, your lungs, constricts your ability to think or even to breathe.

他去世后好幾個月里，我經常悲傷得無法自已，內心只覺得一片無盡的空虛四處蔓延，占據了五臟六腑，我無力思考，甚至感覺像要窒息。

Dave’s death changed me in very profound ways. I learned about the depths of sadness and the brutality of loss. But I also learned that when life sucks you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again. I learned that in the face of the void—or in the face of any challenge—you can choose joy and meaning.

戴夫的死深刻地改變了我。我終于明白了什么叫切膚之痛，也體會到痛失所愛的殘酷。但我也明白了，當生活給你當頭一棒，墮入悲傷之海，你能做的就是奮力游向水面，大口呼吸。我明白了，即便悲傷至空虛，或是面對巨大挑戰，你仍然可以選擇快樂和有意義的生活。

I’m sharing this with you in the hopes that today, as you take the next step in your life, you can learn the lessons that I only learned in death. Lessons about hope, strength, and the light within us that will not be extinguished.

我跟你們分享親人離世的感受，是希望能在你們走上社會時就能理解失去的痛苦，明白什么是希望、力量和心中永不熄滅的火苗。

Everyone who has made it through Cal has already experienced some disappointment. You wanted an A but you got a B. OK, let’s be honest—you got an A- but you’re still mad. You applied for an internship at Facebook, but you only got one from Google. She was the love of your life… but then she swiped left.

每個從伯克利畢業的人肯定都經歷過挫折。你想考A，結果只得到一個B。你申請到Facebook實習，結果只能去谷歌。你全心愛她，她卻甩了你……

Game of Thrones the show has diverged way too much from the books—and you bothered to read all four thousand three hundred and fifty-two pages.

電視劇《權力的游戲》太不尊重原著，你就去看完了4320頁的書……

You will almost certainly face more and deeper adversity. There’s loss of opportunity: the job that doesn’t work out, the illness or accident that changes everything in an instant. There’s loss of dignity: the sharp sting of prejudice when it happens. There’s loss of love: the broken relationships that can’t be fixed. And sometimes there’s loss of life itself.

生活中總會碰到很多難處理的事。有時錯失機會：工作不合適，遭遇疾病或事故因而一切瞬間改變。有時尊嚴盡失：刻薄的偏見常常刺痛人心。有時緣盡人散：親密關系一旦破碎就難重圓。有時不僅是生離，還要面臨死別。

Some of you have already experienced the kind of tragedy and hardship that leave an indelible mark. Last year, Radhika, the winner of the University Medal, spoke so beautifully about the sudden loss of her mother.

你們當中有些人已然歷經刻骨的悲劇和苦難。去年大學獎章得主拉迪卡曾發表演講，動情講述了母親突然去世的悲痛。

The question is not if some of these things will happen to you. They will. Today I want to talk about what happens next. About the things you can do to overcome adversity, no matter what form it takes or when it hits you. The easy days ahead of you will be easy. It is the hard days—the times that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are. You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.

問題不是這些事情會不會發生，它們遲早都會來的。我想說的是發生之后怎么辦，不管什么困難也不管具體什么時候遭遇，關鍵是怎樣從困境中振作起來。其實只有經歷了真正難捱的日子，被逼到崩潰邊緣，你才能真正了解自己。要發掘真實的內心，不僅要看取得的成就，更要看逆境中如何奮起。

A few weeks after Dave died, I was talking to my friend Phil about a father-son activity that Dave was not here to do. We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. I cried to him, “But I want Dave.” Phil put his arm around me and said, “Option A is not available. So let’s just kick the shit out of option B.”

戴夫去世幾個星期后，我和我的朋友菲爾談論一場要父親參加的親子活動。戴夫不在了，我們只好找別人代替他。我哭著對他說：“但我只想要戴夫。”菲爾摟住我說：“A計劃不行了，將就將就用B計劃吧。”

We all at some point live some form of option B. The question is: What do we do then?

我們總會碰到不盡如人意只能用B計劃的時候，問題是：該怎么面對？

As a representative of Silicon Valley, I’m pleased to tell you there is data to learn from. After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P’s—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship. The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events in our lives.

可能有點硅谷的職業病吧，我想說走出挫折也要科學對待。心理學家馬丁?塞利格曼（Martin Seligman）研究幾十年后發現，從苦難中振作起來關鍵是做到三點——不要過分自責（personalization）、不要過分解讀（ pervasiveness）以及不要以為傷痛永遠不褪（permanence）。挺過生活中一次次打擊，才能慢慢磨煉出韌性。

The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault. This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do. This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.

不要過分自責，就是說不要把悲傷的原因攬到自己身上。承擔責任是應該的，但是痛苦時不要過分情緒化，要清楚一件事，并不是所有的壞事都是自己造成的。

When Dave died, I had a very common reaction, which was to blame myself. He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia. I poured over his medical records asking what I could have—or should have—done. It wasn’t until I learned about the three P’s that I accepted that I could not have prevented his death. His doctors had not identified his coronary artery disease. I was an economics major; how could I have?

戴夫去世后我就忍不住責怪自己。他在幾秒鐘內死于心臟病突發。我翻遍他的病歷尋找線索，看看我要是做了什么，戴夫就不會死。明白這三條原則之后，我才慢慢接受不管怎樣都救不了他這個事實。他的醫生們沒發現他有心臟病，我一個學經濟的又怎么可能發現呢？

Studies show that getting past personalization can actually make you stronger. Teachers who knew they could do better after students failed adjusted their methods and saw future classes go on to excel. College swimmers who underperformed but believed they were capable of swimming faster did. Not taking failures personally allows us to recover—and even to thrive.

研究表明減少過分自責確實會讓人強大起來。學生掛科之后老師與其后悔沒盡力，不如努力改進教學方法幫助以后的學生取得好成績。大學里游泳運動員成績不理想，但是只要堅信可以游得更好，就能實現。只有走出過分自責的陰影，才能盡快恢復，甚至督促自己做得更好。

The second P is pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life. You know that song “Everything is awesome?” This is the flip: “Everything is awful.” There’s no place to run or hide from the all-consuming sadness.

第二條不要過分解讀，就是不要篤定壞事一定會影響生活中每個角落。有一首歌叫《一切都是極好的》，反過來就是《一切都是可怕的》。人們常常會以為悲傷大過天，根本無處可逃。

The child psychologists I spoke to encouraged me to get my kids back to their routine as soon as possible. So ten days after Dave died, they went back to school and I went back to work. I remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting in a deep, deep haze. All I could think was, “What is everyone talking about and how could this possibly matter?” But then I got drawn into the discussion and for a second—a brief split second—I forgot about death.

我跟兒童心理學家聊了之后，他讓我盡快恢復孩子們的日常習慣。戴夫去世十天后，他們回到學校，我則回到工作崗位。我記得回去上班后頭一次開會，精神都是恍惚的。我心里想的都是，“他們都在說什么，這些小事有什么好說的？”但后來我加入討論，說著說著突然有那么一瞬，我好像忘記了死亡的悲痛。

That brief second helped me see that there were other things in my life that were not awful. My children and I were healthy. My friends and family were so loving and they carried us—quite literally at times.

那短暫的一瞬讓我明白，生活中還有一些事沒那么糟糕。畢竟，我跟孩子們都很健康，親朋好友都那么關心支持我們，那段時間真的多虧他們撐著我才沒垮。

The loss of a partner often has severe negative financial consequences, especially for women. So many single mothers—and fathers—struggle to make ends meet or have jobs that don’t allow them the time they need to care for their children. I had financial security, the ability to take the time off I needed, and a job that I did not just believe in, but where it’s actually OK to spend all day on Facebook. Gradually, my children started sleeping through the night, crying less, playing more.

失去伴侶往往會伴隨巨大的經濟打擊，女性更是如此。許多單身母親和父親都在非常努力工作，沒什么時間照看孩子。跟他們比我不用擔心經濟

The third P is permanence—the belief that the sorrow will last forever. For months, no matter what I did, it felt like the crushing grief would always be there.

第三條是不要以為傷痛永遠不褪，就是相信痛苦會一直繼續。戴夫去世后有幾個月，無論我做什么都能感覺到令人窒息的悲傷，而且從來沒有減輕的跡象。

We often project our current feelings out indefinitely—and experience what I think of as the second derivative of those feelings. We feel anxious—and then we feel anxious that we’re anxious. We feel sad—and then we feel sad that we’re sad. Instead, we should accept our feelings—but recognize that they will not last forever. My rabbi told me that time would heal but for now I should “lean in to the suck.” It was good advice, but not really what I meant by “lean in.”