中考英語寫作精彩點評與修改（四）
劉曉偉老師中考英語寫作精彩點評與修改（四）
中考英語寫作題四（同第三題，小牛同學寫的，強力推薦！）
有些人認為中學生看電視是在浪費時間，另一些人則認為看電視對中學生是有益的。請你以Is Watching TV a Waste of Time為題寫一篇作文。要點如下：
1．一些人認為看電視有益，一些人則不這么認為。
2．你的看法和理由
學生習作及修改：
雖然不是故意的，我又來找碴了。男子漢，別介意! ：）
（第一段：引出主題。）
As you can see，many say that watching TV is bad for our study. But I think it's good for us to watch TV because watching TV can make us more knowledgeable. (第一段先不要亮出觀點，議論文有現成的思路可以繼承。想要追求創新應該在第二段中體現。重改第一段：People take different attitudes towards watching TV. Some believe that it is beneficial for us to watch TV . Others, however, hold the opposite opinion.)
（第二段：拋出觀點。）
In my opinion, we should realize the pros and cons of watching TV. （一定要加上這一句：我們應該認識到看電視的利弊。 因為你的觀點是中立的。必須首先亮出來，然后再討論利是什么，弊是什么？最后總結一下。）
（第三段：看電視的優點。）
In my opinion, we have something that we cant learn at school. Watching TV is a good way to help us to learn this kind of things. （首先要說明看電視的優點，而不是支持該觀點的理由。可以改成：Watching TV has many advantages. By watching TV, we have learned something that cant be learned at school.）On TV, we know more about the news, sciences and so on in many different programs.
（一定要貫徹固定句型和短語優先的原則。對某人來說方便做某事表達成： It is convenient for sb. to do sth. 了解表達成： be informed of sth. 不要因為它是個被動結構，就不習慣去用它。不習慣的表達往往要好于自創的表達。否則，哪天讓你用腳摳鼻子給全班觀摩，一定很精彩（玩笑）。可以改成：On TV，it is convenient for us to be informed immediately of what is happening around the world.） We can also make us fee relaxed when we are so tired by this way. (有點自相矛盾了。看電視看累了，再通過看電視來放松。你真牛！可以改成： Sometimes after a long time of tiring work, watching TV programs can relax us to some degree.) So I say that watching TV is not only educational but also meaningful.
(沒必要說I say，整篇文章你說的還不夠嗎？So watching TV is not only educational but also meaningful.)
（第四段：看電視的缺點。）
However, Watching TV also has some disadvantages. Watching TV too more is bad for our eyes and we will have less time learning the subjects at school. (Watching TV over a long time is harmful for our eyes, and makes us have less time to learn the subjects well at school.)
（第五段：總結。）
So its important to have a rational plan for watching TV. (很好！我要再改就要犯罪了！注意：獨立成段。)
曉偉點評：
小牛同學：
這篇作文寫超級棒，很像五段式的托福綜合寫作，中考的時候要謹慎使用，因為就像玩雙截棍一樣，你在現在還不能很好的控制它，所以要小心。
好久沒看到這樣的作文了，我很高興。
敬禮
你的劉曉偉老師
查看原帖：http://bbs.eduu.com/thread-155729-1-2.html
劉曉偉老師中考英語寫作精彩點評與修改（四）
中考英語寫作題四（同第三題，小牛同學寫的，強力推薦！）
有些人認為中學生看電視是在浪費時間，另一些人則認為看電視對中學生是有益的。請你以Is Watching TV a Waste of Time為題寫一篇作文。要點如下：
1．一些人認為看電視有益，一些人則不這么認為。
2．你的看法和理由
學生習作及修改：
雖然不是故意的，我又來找碴了。男子漢，別介意! ：）
（第一段：引出主題。）
As you can see，many say that watching TV is bad for our study. But I think it's good for us to watch TV because watching TV can make us more knowledgeable. (第一段先不要亮出觀點，議論文有現成的思路可以繼承。想要追求創新應該在第二段中體現。重改第一段：People take different attitudes towards watching TV. Some believe that it is beneficial for us to watch TV . Others, however, hold the opposite opinion.)
（第二段：拋出觀點。）
In my opinion, we should realize the pros and cons of watching TV. （一定要加上這一句：我們應該認識到看電視的利弊。 因為你的觀點是中立的。必須首先亮出來，然后再討論利是什么，弊是什么？最后總結一下。）
（第三段：看電視的優點。）
In my opinion, we have something that we cant learn at school. Watching TV is a good way to help us to learn this kind of things. （首先要說明看電視的優點，而不是支持該觀點的理由。可以改成：Watching TV has many advantages. By watching TV, we have learned something that cant be learned at school.）On TV, we know more about the news, sciences and so on in many different programs.
（一定要貫徹固定句型和短語優先的原則。對某人來說方便做某事表達成： It is convenient for sb. to do sth. 了解表達成： be informed of sth. 不要因為它是個被動結構，就不習慣去用它。不習慣的表達往往要好于自創的表達。否則，哪天讓你用腳摳鼻子給全班觀摩，一定很精彩（玩笑）。可以改成：On TV，it is convenient for us to be informed immediately of what is happening around the world.） We can also make us fee relaxed when we are so tired by this way. (有點自相矛盾了。看電視看累了，再通過看電視來放松。你真牛！可以改成： Sometimes after a long time of tiring work, watching TV programs can relax us to some degree.) So I say that watching TV is not only educational but also meaningful.
(沒必要說I say，整篇文章你說的還不夠嗎？So watching TV is not only educational but also meaningful.)
（第四段：看電視的缺點。）
However, Watching TV also has some disadvantages. Watching TV too more is bad for our eyes and we will have less time learning the subjects at school. (Watching TV over a long time is harmful for our eyes, and makes us have less time to learn the subjects well at school.)
（第五段：總結。）
So its important to have a rational plan for watching TV. (很好！我要再改就要犯罪了！注意：獨立成段。)
曉偉點評：
小牛同學：
這篇作文寫超級棒，很像五段式的托福綜合寫作，中考的時候要謹慎使用，因為就像玩雙截棍一樣，你在現在還不能很好的控制它，所以要小心。
好久沒看到這樣的作文了，我很高興。
敬禮
你的劉曉偉老師
查看原帖：http://bbs.eduu.com/thread-155729-1-2.html
