英語(yǔ)習(xí)作評(píng)析

　　　　一、習(xí)作要求

　　　　假如你叫婷婷，下面是你收到的你祖母從加拿大寄來的信。請(qǐng)你根據(jù)來信的內(nèi)容寫一封回信。

　　　　September 12， 2003

　　　　Dear Ting Ting，

　　　　I had a letter from your mother a few days ago， but she didn't give me much news about you.

　　　　She said you went on an ecology summer camp. When I heard that you had seen a snake， I was worried. I hope someone killed it！

　　　　I was sorry to hear that you had hurt your knee. How did that happen？ I hope it is better now.

　　　　I know your birthday is coming soon， so I am enclosing a check for you. Write soon and tell me what you decide to do with the money. I want you to spend it on something nice.

　　　　With lots of love.

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Grandma

　　　　注意：

　　　　1. 詞數(shù)： 120 左右；

　　　　2. 參考詞匯：生態(tài)學(xué) ecology .

　　　　二、學(xué)生習(xí)作：

　　　　September 28， 2003

　　　　Dear Grandma，

　　　　Thank you for your letter and the check. It was really kind of you to send me so much money.

　　　　I spent one week at an ecology summer camp in the countryside. Yes. We did saw （ 1 ） a snake. Five of the boys let it out （ 2 ） . I was excited when they did it.

　　　　Thank you for your good wishes about my knee. In that afternoon （ 3 ） ， after I returned back （ 4 ） to school， I fell over on the stairs. It was not serious and getting （ 5 ） better now.

　　　　Since I am very interested in nature， I've decided to cost （ 6 ） the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it observing （ 7 ） natural things. Will that be all right？

　　　　With lots of love.

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Ting Ting

　　　　三、習(xí)作點(diǎn)評(píng)：

　　　　1. 優(yōu)點(diǎn)：習(xí)作者能準(zhǔn)確運(yùn)用書信格式，文中人稱、動(dòng)詞時(shí)態(tài)使用正確。作者能根據(jù)來信中所涉及的主要問題，全面地表達(dá)了回信的主題內(nèi)容。該習(xí)作語(yǔ)言表達(dá)較為流暢，作者能盡量運(yùn)用英語(yǔ)課本中所學(xué)過一些句式、短語(yǔ)進(jìn)行表達(dá)，如 Thank you for ， It was really kind of you to do ， We did see ， spend the money you sent me 等，是一篇較好的習(xí)作。

　　　　2. 不足之處：（ 1 ）該篇習(xí)作也出現(xiàn)了一些語(yǔ)法、詞句及意義表達(dá)方面的錯(cuò)誤，具體表現(xiàn)在：（ 1 ） saw 改為 see .這是一種陳述句結(jié)構(gòu)的強(qiáng)調(diào)形式，在這種句型結(jié)構(gòu)中，用了助動(dòng)詞 do /does /did 以后，原來的動(dòng)詞形式要改為原形。又如： He does often come to see us. （他確實(shí)常來看我們。） We did go to the party last night. （我們昨天晚上確實(shí)去參加了晚會(huì)。）（ 2 ） let it out 改為 drove it away . let out 意為放掉、泄露， drive away 意為趕走。（ 3 ） In that afternoon 改為 That afternoon .在 this， that ， every， next， last 等所限定的時(shí)間名詞前常不用介詞。（ 4 ） returned back 改為 turned back 或去掉 back .（ 5 ）在 getting 前加上 it is .此處 getting 與前面 was not serious 不為并列動(dòng)詞時(shí)態(tài)，而是強(qiáng)調(diào)現(xiàn)在，應(yīng)用現(xiàn)在時(shí)。（ 6 ） cost 改為 spend .當(dāng)句中主語(yǔ)為某人時(shí)，常表達(dá)為 sb. spend money / time on sth. / in doing sth. 表示某人花錢或時(shí)間干什么注意 cost 的主語(yǔ)一般為某物。（ 7 ） observing 改為 to observe .該動(dòng)詞由句中 use 決定其結(jié)構(gòu)，構(gòu)成 use sth. to do sth 用來干。（ 2 ）該習(xí)作語(yǔ)言句式的表達(dá)稍有些簡(jiǎn)單，如作者能將該習(xí)作的某些句子加以調(diào)整，運(yùn)用一些較高級(jí)的句子，再在某些句子之間加上一些過渡語(yǔ)來加以潤(rùn)色，效果會(huì)更好。如在文中 Five of the boys 前可加上一個(gè)過渡性的詞語(yǔ) Fortunately ， five of the boys ；文章的最后一段 I've decided to spend the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it 這兩個(gè)句子可合并成一個(gè)非限制性定語(yǔ)從句； on a telescope， which I can use to observe ，這樣，將會(huì)使整個(gè)文章更具有連貫性、得體性和可讀性。

　　　　四、修改后的習(xí)作

　　　　September 28， 2003

　　　　Dear Grandma，

　　　　Thank you for your letter and the check. It was really kind of you to send me so much money.

　　　　I spent one week at an ecology summer camp in the countryside. Yes. We did see a snake. Five of the boys drove it away. I was excited when they did it.

　　　　Thank you for your good wishes about my knee. That afternoon， after I returned to school， I fell over on the stairs. It was not serious and it's getting better now.

　　　　Since I am very interested in nature， I've decided to spend the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it to observe natural things. Will that be all right？

　　　　With lots of love.

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Ting Ting

　　　　五、習(xí)作訓(xùn)練：

　　　　下面是某中學(xué)生英語(yǔ)報(bào)刊登的一封讀者來信，請(qǐng)你以編輯的身份給這位中學(xué)生寫封回信。

　　　　Dear Editor，

　　　　I spend most of my time studying. I hardly talk to my classmates. Sometimes I think I am not so concerned about others， but there are times that I do want to talk. I just don't know what to talk about and how to begin a conversation.

　　　　I feel so lonely. How I wish I had a good friend！

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Jinjing

　　　　回信的內(nèi)容應(yīng)包括以下要點(diǎn)：

　　　　1. 要相信自己。你最大的問題是缺乏自信。

　　　　2. 對(duì)同學(xué)面帶微笑，使他們相信你是友好的。

　　　　3. 先試著和一個(gè)與你同樣害羞的或與你有同樣愛好的同學(xué)談話。

　　　　4. 可以向同學(xué)問一些學(xué)習(xí)上的問題，談?wù)劰餐膼酆谩?/p>

　　英語(yǔ)習(xí)作評(píng)析

　　　　一、習(xí)作要求

　　　　假如你叫婷婷，下面是你收到的你祖母從加拿大寄來的信。請(qǐng)你根據(jù)來信的內(nèi)容寫一封回信。

　　　　September 12， 2003

　　　　Dear Ting Ting，

　　　　I had a letter from your mother a few days ago， but she didn't give me much news about you.

　　　　She said you went on an ecology summer camp. When I heard that you had seen a snake， I was worried. I hope someone killed it！

　　　　I was sorry to hear that you had hurt your knee. How did that happen？ I hope it is better now.

　　　　I know your birthday is coming soon， so I am enclosing a check for you. Write soon and tell me what you decide to do with the money. I want you to spend it on something nice.

　　　　With lots of love.

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Grandma

　　　　注意：

　　　　1. 詞數(shù)： 120 左右；

　　　　2. 參考詞匯：生態(tài)學(xué) ecology .

　　　　二、學(xué)生習(xí)作：

　　　　September 28， 2003

　　　　Dear Grandma，

　　　　Thank you for your letter and the check. It was really kind of you to send me so much money.

　　　　I spent one week at an ecology summer camp in the countryside. Yes. We did saw （ 1 ） a snake. Five of the boys let it out （ 2 ） . I was excited when they did it.

　　　　Thank you for your good wishes about my knee. In that afternoon （ 3 ） ， after I returned back （ 4 ） to school， I fell over on the stairs. It was not serious and getting （ 5 ） better now.

　　　　Since I am very interested in nature， I've decided to cost （ 6 ） the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it observing （ 7 ） natural things. Will that be all right？

　　　　With lots of love.

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Ting Ting

　　　　三、習(xí)作點(diǎn)評(píng)：

　　　　1. 優(yōu)點(diǎn)：習(xí)作者能準(zhǔn)確運(yùn)用書信格式，文中人稱、動(dòng)詞時(shí)態(tài)使用正確。作者能根據(jù)來信中所涉及的主要問題，全面地表達(dá)了回信的主題內(nèi)容。該習(xí)作語(yǔ)言表達(dá)較為流暢，作者能盡量運(yùn)用英語(yǔ)課本中所學(xué)過一些句式、短語(yǔ)進(jìn)行表達(dá)，如 Thank you for ， It was really kind of you to do ， We did see ， spend the money you sent me 等，是一篇較好的習(xí)作。

　　　　2. 不足之處：（ 1 ）該篇習(xí)作也出現(xiàn)了一些語(yǔ)法、詞句及意義表達(dá)方面的錯(cuò)誤，具體表現(xiàn)在：（ 1 ） saw 改為 see .這是一種陳述句結(jié)構(gòu)的強(qiáng)調(diào)形式，在這種句型結(jié)構(gòu)中，用了助動(dòng)詞 do /does /did 以后，原來的動(dòng)詞形式要改為原形。又如： He does often come to see us. （他確實(shí)常來看我們。） We did go to the party last night. （我們昨天晚上確實(shí)去參加了晚會(huì)。）（ 2 ） let it out 改為 drove it away . let out 意為放掉、泄露， drive away 意為趕走。（ 3 ） In that afternoon 改為 That afternoon .在 this， that ， every， next， last 等所限定的時(shí)間名詞前常不用介詞。（ 4 ） returned back 改為 turned back 或去掉 back .（ 5 ）在 getting 前加上 it is .此處 getting 與前面 was not serious 不為并列動(dòng)詞時(shí)態(tài)，而是強(qiáng)調(diào)現(xiàn)在，應(yīng)用現(xiàn)在時(shí)。（ 6 ） cost 改為 spend .當(dāng)句中主語(yǔ)為某人時(shí)，常表達(dá)為 sb. spend money / time on sth. / in doing sth. 表示某人花錢或時(shí)間干什么注意 cost 的主語(yǔ)一般為某物。（ 7 ） observing 改為 to observe .該動(dòng)詞由句中 use 決定其結(jié)構(gòu)，構(gòu)成 use sth. to do sth 用來干。（ 2 ）該習(xí)作語(yǔ)言句式的表達(dá)稍有些簡(jiǎn)單，如作者能將該習(xí)作的某些句子加以調(diào)整，運(yùn)用一些較高級(jí)的句子，再在某些句子之間加上一些過渡語(yǔ)來加以潤(rùn)色，效果會(huì)更好。如在文中 Five of the boys 前可加上一個(gè)過渡性的詞語(yǔ) Fortunately ， five of the boys ；文章的最后一段 I've decided to spend the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it 這兩個(gè)句子可合并成一個(gè)非限制性定語(yǔ)從句； on a telescope， which I can use to observe ，這樣，將會(huì)使整個(gè)文章更具有連貫性、得體性和可讀性。

　　　　四、修改后的習(xí)作

　　　　September 28， 2003

　　　　Dear Grandma，

　　　　Thank you for your letter and the check. It was really kind of you to send me so much money.

　　　　I spent one week at an ecology summer camp in the countryside. Yes. We did see a snake. Five of the boys drove it away. I was excited when they did it.

　　　　Thank you for your good wishes about my knee. That afternoon， after I returned to school， I fell over on the stairs. It was not serious and it's getting better now.

　　　　Since I am very interested in nature， I've decided to spend the money you sent me on a telescope. I can use it to observe natural things. Will that be all right？

　　　　With lots of love.

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Ting Ting

　　　　五、習(xí)作訓(xùn)練：

　　　　下面是某中學(xué)生英語(yǔ)報(bào)刊登的一封讀者來信，請(qǐng)你以編輯的身份給這位中學(xué)生寫封回信。

　　　　Dear Editor，

　　　　I spend most of my time studying. I hardly talk to my classmates. Sometimes I think I am not so concerned about others， but there are times that I do want to talk. I just don't know what to talk about and how to begin a conversation.

　　　　I feel so lonely. How I wish I had a good friend！

　　　　Yours，

　　　　Jinjing

　　　　回信的內(nèi)容應(yīng)包括以下要點(diǎn)：

　　　　1. 要相信自己。你最大的問題是缺乏自信。

　　　　2. 對(duì)同學(xué)面帶微笑，使他們相信你是友好的。

　　　　3. 先試著和一個(gè)與你同樣害羞的或與你有同樣愛好的同學(xué)談話。

　　　　4. 可以向同學(xué)問一些學(xué)習(xí)上的問題，談?wù)劰餐膼酆谩?/p>